How many frogs do you have to kiss?

That's a plaque my "work husband" gave me a few years back.  I think it was right as I was newly single and went on a couple, shall we say "less than successful" dates.

If you would have told me that just more than 4 years later here I would sit - still single - I would have said you were crazy.  Not that I thought I was "all that and a bag of chips" mind you.  (Well maybe a little) But it's like how it always is.   The grass is ALWAYS greener.  And isn't it always the case - when you are with someone everytime you turn around the hottest guy in the room is making googly eyes at you.  So you rid yourself of the dead weight and low and behold ... crickets. 

So I thought I'd enlighten some of you to the hell that is Online Dating.  Hell.  Total Hell. 
So far I've met some real winners. Let me paint the picture.  Buffalo Wild Wings.  White Nautica sweater circa 1989.  Gold chain like he's straight outa Jersey Shore.  And I doubt there's a drop of Drakkar left in the bottle.  Oh - and don't forget about the 2 inch gap between his teeth.  He waved me over to the table, welcomed me with a hug and throughout the evening shared these endearing facts about himself. (and I'm NOT kidding)  Trust me - the photos on his profile did not acurately represent him. 

He missed the birth of one of his children due do being high, he almost lost all the fingers on one of his hands because of the above event, he's such a douchebag (my word not his) that his baby mama wouldn't give one of his sons his last name, oh and that babymama - she was 15 at the time.  The BEST thing he told me is that he once robbed a grave.  Robbed. A. Grave.  He didn't dig one up he and his friends cracked open a mausoleum.  Of course I had to tell him what it was called.  The entire time I have my face in my hands thinking... I've GOT to remember this.  I wonder if he'd notice if I actually took notes.

At one part of the "date" he went outside to smoke and he was gone FOREVER.  I'm sure calling all his friends telling them that he's met "The One."   I called the waitress over and told her to bring me one more beer (which I SLAMMED) and when he comes back to offer us our check.

Fastforward to him walking me to my car and he hugged me and told me he would call me tomorrow.  It was hard to supress my joy.  And sure as shit, 8am I get a text "It was great to meet you!  I hope we can get together again soon!"  Um.  Not only no - but HELL NO!

Trust me - sadly so - there are more stories where this came from.  Stay tuned. 

Here's a tease - his name is Jailbird Jimmy.

:) T